A month without alcohol

Things San Fran does better than Dublin No. 1: Homeless people

July 7, 2008 · No Comments

Homeless people in Dublin come in two forms; ‘out of it and aggressive’ or ‘just out of it’. Homeless people in San Fran, on the other hand, only come in one variety: Downright Hillarious!

They have signs like:

‘Need money for prostitutes’

‘Need money for alcohol research’

or my own personal favourite

‘Ninjas stole my family, need money for Kung-Fu lessons’

There’s also the guy who made a robot suit out of cardboard and follows people around making robot noises(as opposed to Girraffe noises, obviously)

Take today for example, I had just lied my way through an interview with Starbucks when this guy walked up to me in the middle of Union Square and said: “hey man, I bet I can tell where you got them shoes”. I wasn’t in the mood so I tried to bat him away with disinterest but he persisted and eventually convinced me to accept a $1 bet. “I’ll tell you where you got’em, you got em on yo feet!”.

Bastard cracked right me up

Categories: General idiocy · J1 · San Fran · San Francisco · Things San Fran does better than Dublin · alcohol · excess · piffle · woop woop
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Sundays, why are they always so universally shit?

July 7, 2008 · 3 Comments

I am a long term detractor of Sundays, if it were up to me the day wouldn’t exist. Now don’t get me wrong, a Sunday can be glorious, a Sunday can also be a ‘Six Nations Day’ or a ‘All-Ireland Final Day’ or ‘United-V-Arsenal Day’-BUT-during the 22 odd hours in which there is usually no football, hurling, rugby, Apres Match(bring it back!), basketball, handball or anything even moderatley interesting on….Sundays are shit. As this is America there is no GAA or rugby. As both the NBA finals  and Euro finals are over there is neither basketball nor soccer. And as I am trying to avoid boredome, I will not be watching any baseball. Hence, this sunday is shit.

By the same token, when you’re staring down the barrell of a 40hr working week, the fact that there is absolutely fuck shit and tits all to do on a Sunday can be quite pleasant. I, however, am unemployed and teetering on bankruptcy-I would love a 40hr working week. When everyday is the weekend Sunday becomes this festering black hole of black bleak boring hell. Not to mention how helpless you feel when everywhere is closed and you really should be looking for a job

Not to be cynical, but the fact that Sunday is so god awful boring may have contrbuted to Mass becoming so popular-’a sure fuck it, nowhere else is open’. I haven’t been to mass of my own volition* in about ten years. This is probably a bad thing as I recently decided, after much thought and many years of questioning, that I believed in God again. I also decided that no matter how hard you try to escape it, HE’s got nothing to with religeon in Ireland and I am a Catholic whether or not I go to mass, believe in God, support Celtic, hate England, speak Irish, emmigrate, have 17 kids, drink poitin for breakfast or tick any other stereotypical boxes**. ‘Irish Catholic’ just means ‘Irish Native’ as opposed ‘Irish of british descent’ or ‘British of British descent living in Ireland’(if we want to be fair and PC about it((in Britain too according to the people most likely to be offended)). So, after all these years, I’ve allowed myself not only to believe in God but to be Catholic too-still don’t believe in the Church though. I know the church does a lot of good but it all seems down to individual priests. I also don’t like the idea of virgin marriage counsellors. In summary, God=good, Church=bad, but I’m still more Catholic than anything else.

Man did that stop being funny suddenly

 

PS: The retards I live with are lying on the floor drawing pictures of our ‘family’ with safety crayons***-thats how bored we are

*basically I’ve been to weddings, funerals, granny comin up to the big shmoke and anything else I could get given out to for not attending 

**I should take this moment to point out that yesterday I was drinking Captain Morgan in a Celtic jersey lamenting my unemployment in a foreign country at 2pm, immediately after getting out of bed-I know, tick tick tick tick tick

***no, I don’t know where they came from

Categories: Downers · Emo · Féin-truailliú · GAA · General idiocy · Ignorant and un-PC · J1 · Pain · Pet Hates · Politics'n'shit · Rugby · Unapologetic distaste for other human beings · alcohol · excess · funerals · indifference · jobs · just plain offensive · piffle · reasons to be hopeful · self-obsession · self-promotion · shallow arrogance · whinging · woop woop
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