on Breaking your mothers heart….

Until recently I had a massive maine of wavy red hair, it was savage. I would often stand on windy Mountain tops in my ‘warrior poet’ stance and impress tourists with my ‘deeply spiritual celtic soul’. But, alas, time waits for no man and it got too long for the Irish ’summer’ so I decided to get a trim before shipping off to Americaland. Knowing that I was a real hairdressers wet dream I decided to go to the barbers(not least because I find anything in excess of 14e a haircut personally offensive-and of course a deep rooted homophobic prejudice, fucking Greeks!*). Of course, having not been to a barbers in nearly two years and more used to just getting a classic ‘blade 4 on the side 5 on top’ anyway, I forgot that when you ask for a trim all they hear is ‘I want to look like a spa’.

And voila, I now look like a ginger cross between Michael Ballack and Patrick Swayze. To put that in perspective, I went from CúChullain to ‘Timmy who likes croquet’ in under half an hour. Its a bit like that yoke on top of Oscar Wildes forehead, a skinned and delapitated cat. Put more simply, my head has assumed the rotundety of a basketball with none of the bounce. If I had a step people would call it retro, I don’t, so they call it retarded.

Needless to say, the mother loves it. As far as she’s concerned its the best haircut I’ve had since it became my decision. She loves it so much, but its awful, and I’m getting it shaved and she’s not happy. As far as she’s concerned I’m only one step away from wearing a rugby jersey and beige khakis to college-a neutered son-a dream come true. Well, she thinks it’d be a dream come true. For a woman who tries so hard to dress my bro and I she has a remarkably low opinion of men who ‘look like they were dressed by their mothers’. The most consistant offender is the young guy who does the weather on RTE, she can’t let him go without at least on “god, doesn’t he look like a fierce aul mammies boy”.

Either way she’s acting all pissed off at me. Fuck it, its my head and I look like an eejit so I’m shaving it off. I look good with a shaved head, mean, but good.

P.S.

A mate did console me by pointing out, correctly, that I don’t look as bad as this guy

 http://www.stripersonline.com/surftalk/attachment.php?attachmentid=83716&d=1196819755

or this muppet

 http://www.joy2day.com/fashion-and-showbiz/men-corner/hair-styles/medium/images/Men’s%20medium%20hair%20style%20with%20long%20sidepart%20bangs,%20black.jpg

 

*see Fr. Teds factual documentary on racism, apparently the Greeks invented gayness**

**If you’ve come this far you need to be told I’m joking