A month without alcohol

Last Saturday was my first day off in a fortnight. I spent it watching the rugby. I was oh so happy.

So happy, that is, until I recieved a text message from my close friend and companion “Lanky McGobshite”.  The message read “hey dude me J and D are writing a play 4 a comp in UCD and wer wonderin if youd b up 4 actin in it? Its only a short 15min comedy nd were rehearsin at mine 2moro at 6. U up 4 it?”

Of course, I went along to the rehearsal only to find that said play was A)not finished and B)to be performed on TUESDAY!!!!!! Cue Rua seething at the knowledge that over the next two days he would be spending 14hours working on a play that he wouldn’t have time to rehearse ON TOP OF all the other shite that has to be done during this ridiculous semester!!!

As it happens, the play went along brilliantly. The audience responded well, he seemed to be having a great time. I wrote ‘audience’ because I don’t actually know the singular of the word, if such a thing exists. Also, we won’t be winning any prizes because Dramsoc did not see fit to send down a representitive to judge our entry-dickheads!

 And here we are, another Wednesday where I have decidedly not gone to Irish class and was on my way home until I got an e-mail from my editor to say that I have an article due tomorrow-groan, why cant she do it?

I also have a project due tomorrow as well as a storyboard and floorplan for a short film due in on Friday-this week does not end!

Also I’m broke and need money

I have to raise 350e for Bernardos by the 9th of March so that I can go for a bungee jump. It is the 24th of Febuary-how the fuck could I have forgotten about this? Any ideas on how to raise money would be a great help

so far we’ve got:
Charity Shield 11-a side football match with 10e entry fee which will take me up to 220e and the final 130e can be scabbed/begged/cojoled out of non participants

Outdoor ultimate frisbie tournament. 35 people split into 5 teams of 7 or 4 teams of 8/9. Only problem is where the fuck am I supposed to find 35 people who can all throw a disc more than two yards

Hold out for a free gaff and charge people at my door(not gonna happen in the current political climate)

Start selling cocaine(still can’t see how this could possibly backfire……)

I was talking to this girl last night and she made me promise that I’d sweep her off her feet. I said I’d do it next week-and I woke up this morning wondering why I haven’t pulled in ages! I think I’m actually getting dumber

I was in Pravda for the first time since that incident with the gingerbread men(see “Pravda Dé Deardaoin”). I can actually tolerate the place when I’m not drinking because I don’t feel obliged to give out about the lack of whiskey and terrible guinness. In fact, its deadly-any building with a foozeball table is ok in my book. Speaking of books, someone told me I should write one.

“Rua man, you should write some of this down in a book or something” “ye think? I mean, would you buy it?” “no way man, the wheels of capitalism are greased with the blood of the worker-I can’t support that, even if you’re my friend man”

What? Of course that conversation happened, word for word, I tell no lies. After all, I took an oath as a blog-ist “to tell the truth, the whole truth and everything but the truth”. In the words of Brad Pitt in True Romance; “fuckin try to…. antagonise me motherfucker, I’ll….. fuckin……ye”

So yes, this post is, and will continue to be, “an apostrophie fuelled series of episodic ramblings dedicated to the late great Logic”-or so a review in The Gaurdian would read

You see I had a few thoughts today. I didn’t have my notebook handy so I can’t remember the thought processes behind them and hence, have no way of justifying them. Some of you may be shocked by the following:

1. You don’t really know someone until you know how they like their tea
2. The English language is not condusive to understanding other cultures, this influences the mentality of all English speakers
3. The Irish language struggles when expressing such things as ‘logic’ and ‘reason’ while it excells beyond par at dealing with ‘lust(for both war and sex)’, ‘Pride(of both war and sex)’ and ‘gut wrenching heartache(after both war and sex)’-this influences the menality of all Irish speakers.
4. French is the language of diplomacy-this is why English and Irish people find it so damn hard to understand.
5. German is the root language of English and Dutch. And yes, its hideous.
6. French Rugby is the single most frustrating thing in the world, when you want them to lose they win-when you want them to win they lose. Assholes
7. Africa is fucked up! I mean really really fucked up, and its all because of(drumroll please)…..us Europeans!!
8. I hate that guy in the place whos mates with yer man whos sound but its ok because I saw a drunk lick his face and he was too scared to do anything about it-cunt!
9. I reckon Death is either Italian, Irish or Spanish because if he was Swiss he’d have finished the job by now.
10. Gods a naturalist, fashion is the devil.
11. Punk nonconformity lives on but only in little ways(wink wink nudge nudge, ye get it?)

ohhh something just came to me
12. I have absolutely no tolerence for idiots.

Don’t ask why but I’m doing a photoshoot on Friday for which I need a femme fatale. My first choice pulled out because shes got an exam or something I don’t really care anymore. This shouldn’t be a problem, I know loads of pretty girls. In fact, I’ve often sat back at parties and said to myself ‘how the fuck did I swing this?”. So anyway this not being a problem I was going to utilize the ultimate in ‘lazy man model searching’ by flicking through my friends list on bebo until I found someone who would fit the bill-ten minutes and a text message, problem solved.

Only one problem, my computer is refusing to show pictures. Everything else works fine, just no pictures. The only logical explanation I can think of is that the ancient order of illuminati have a distinct dislike of film noir and have therefore chosen to sabbotage my plans. God dammit they’re everywhere!

I’m doing a virus scan right now but I’d say its more likely that my computers just shit or bebos broken. This is bollox, I hate thinking

Trappa!! Tá Trappa againn! Dúirt mé libh gurb é John Delaney laoch rúnda an FAI, dúirt mé libh ach níor chreid aon duine mé. Fáilte ar ais chuig an Céad Domhain de Peil leaids! Fáilte ar ais chuig na comórtais mór! Éireann abú, Trapp go brách

Freisin, Steven Ireland ag teacht ar ais, tá Pandy Reid beagnach tannaí(bhueil, do Pandy ar aon nós), tá Duffer chun a chluiche a fháil gach seachtain, tá Keano bhig ag imirt go maith agus tá Hunty fós Éireannach!!!

Rev it up and here we go!!

you’ll never guess who was in my room last night-only the Headless Horseman!! He actually seemed quite friendly but I’m so sick of tripping that I just gave him the middle finger with a grunt. Unfortuneately, he refused to leave my ceiling so I rolled over to face the door. Being of a persistant disposition(as I believe, most of the undead armies of the night are) the prick reappeared-and he did not look happy!
Luckily for me though there were two bouncers at the door who held him back. Eventually he turned into two girls in that clumsy ‘let me into the club, I swear I’m sober(barf)’ state. They were pretty, or at least, pretty for people who I knew weren’t really there.
The sideshow soon got boring though so I went to sleep. In fact I slept so well that I got to miss my Irish lecture-2 birds with one stone!! I am at the moment fostering quite an impressive record with the old Irish lectures this semester-I’ve missed just over half of them and slept through at least a third of the remainder-even for me thats borderline ridiculous. I swear, I’ll start tomorrow-never miss another one……geallaim duit

This is completely off the cuff and I apologise if it doesn’t work out because I’m posting it anyway

European,
Ridiculously
Attractive
Student who has
Me
Utterly
Snared

Easily
Readily
And
Steadily
Meant to be,
Universally
Sexy

Effectively
Redundant
As a
Scholarly
Manifesto,
Uncomplaining we
Sure as hell are!

Best thing about erasmus students? To them, I’m exotic!

BC mentioned something about my neighbours and it got me thinking; what do they think of me?
Well, for a start I try to avoid them as much as possible. This is especially true of the Flanders-they’re too damn wholesome, it creeps the shit out of me. As a direct result of avoiding them I’ve managed not to seriously offend anyone which is quite the achievement because I KNOW that I’d really really enjoy pissing all over their innocence, introducing their kids to crack dealers etc.
So, in that sense, I’d say I get on quite well with the neighbours. However, I’d say there have been some questions raised as to why I have to play ‘Rappers Delight’ so loud so late so often-its a classic!

ah c’mon, it goes a hip a hop hibby to the hibby…….

Diamond told me that all I needed was a girlfriend, ‘no more flings’. I suppose he has a point, ‘crazy and single’ doesn’t have the same ring when you genuinely are ‘crazy’. I think you’ll find that most serial killers would consider themselves ‘crazy and single’. Eh, on that note…….

Mammies are like microwaves: everyone has one and  until you bite the bullet and learn how to cook-they’re your only source of food!