A month without alcohol

OK its halloween night and there are no sweets in the house-time to bail. I spent all week trying to think of a costume and the scariest thing I could come upp with is a young PD called ‘Lou Cypher’. He’s the CEO of ‘The Devil Himself Inc.’. He wears odd socks-thats about as wild as it gets. Well, it was either that or going as Blanka from Street Fighter 2(Go on the SNES!).
I think I might go print out some A4 contracts and spend the night buying peoples souls. Also I plan to stay sober and upright(don’t snicker, I’m really gonna try this time)
Basically, over the last while I’ve noticed some very strange things happening. Every time I go on a ‘mad one’(800 cans+)(yes, I am such a big man)(High 5)(awesome)(too many brackets, I’m gonna start this sentence again). Every time I go on a ‘mad one’ I wake up hungover as usual and crawl into bed at the end of day-thats when the bad thing happens. Turn off the lights and the room fills up with goblins axe-murderers and, oddly, strippers. Its bonkers hallucinationville without any chemical assistance and it is downright scary. I finally got fed up enough to look up the cause of my mentalness on the ol’interweb. Turns out its as a result of ‘alcohol withdrawel’-poxy or what?
I’m gonna take a clean month after the Oireachtas, this weekend, and then its back to happy hardcore. Tonights a tester, if I can’t have fun without alcohol tonight then the prohibition is in effect immediately. If I am having fun, then I’ll reward myself with some whishkah-a sort of ‘congradulations; you’re not an alco’ type thing

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Admin Edit

You know when you get home and straight to bed at the very respectable hour of 4:30, only to wake up at 11 and realise that you are in fact still drunk, that operation sober sally didn’t quite work out. In fact, you could probably say that it was a complete and utter failure, a spectacular failure even.
At least I wasn’t the worst there. I was scoring this girl and she just, well, fell asleep. It was possibly the most awkward twenty seconds of my life as I said aloud ‘are you? no it couldn’t be….ah for fucks sake!’ That one hurt the ego just a little, saw her half an hour later and she was fine-hammered but fine
I’m going dry as of Monday, regardless of what happens in between and I expect everyone to be very dissappointed in me if it doesn’t work out.
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I don’t know about you Batman but thes Goblins really know how to takr a punch!

I thought Sky(Fox) News was a joke but this one takes the biscuit;

http://www.fainne.org/

for all your Irish language needs, well thats what the add says. Interestingly as Irish language sites/search engines go this ones quite progressive. The site is available in all official European languages(except, bizzarely, Irish) and the third most important thing on the direct link list is, wait for it, the Adult section!! Woo-hoo!!
Lets be honest lads-who exactly are you trying to impress? Is this one of those ’strictly for office use’ sites like ‘football365′ or something? Porn that doesn’t look like porn when your boss checks the history files? Ya big loser
I actualy had to double check the site there before I published this-yes, it is that shit. I wouldn’t mind a normal search engine being structured like this. To be honest I really wouldn’t give a toss at all(ha, I crack myself up), its just that they’re posing as something they blatently aren’t. Even google comes in Irish for fucks sake(google.ie, press the ‘gaeilge’ link), its not actually that hard-you only need to translate about five words!
I refuse to believe its that shit, it must be an embarrasing way of funding some massive Irish language programme in Ethiopia or something(the verbs for food programme I believe). Somebody prove me wrong because thats just ridiculous

5 Réisiún Nach Dhénfigh Meiriceá Ionsaí ar Burma

Rinne George Bush(an mháistín beag gleoite sin) ionsaí ar Iraq ag úsáid saoirse daonra an tír sin mar leiscéal. Tá muintir Burma ag troid don saoirse céanna sin faoi láithir ach, agus is mór an trua é, ní gheobhaidh siad pioc cabhair ó na Stáit Aontaithe(SA). Cén fáth? Seo chugaibh cúig réisiún nach dhénfidh siad faic.

1) Níl aon ola i Burma. Sin é le rá nach bhfuil aon óir dubh, buí nó aon sóirt eile le fáil ann. Ní bhéidh aon buntáiste eacnamaíochta do Meirceá Burma a ionsaí. Chun a bheith go hiomláin macánta, réitíonn sé níos fearr dóibh má fhanann an Junta i gceannas. Is féidir cibé rud gur mian libh a rá faoi Stáit Militeach ach ní athríonn sé an fíoraisc go bhfuil siad inán níos mó péire brístí a dhénamh níos saora ná aon tír daonlathach ar domhain-agus thaitníonn sladmhargadh le cách!

            Fiú dá ma rud é go raibh fíor buntáistí eacnamaíocht ar fáil le ionsaí ar Burma ní bheidh na SA(Stáit Aontaithe) inán iad a bhaint amach mar tá siad gafa cheanna féin ag na Sínigh agus na Rúisigh(sean chairde ón réabhlóid dearg ná déanaigí dearmaid).

2) Ní beidh siad inán an áit a fháil, d’athraigh an seoladh ar ais i 1989. Glaoightear an “Union of Myanmar” air anois ach ní aithníonn na Stáit Aontaithe, an Bhreatain nó Nuacht RTE é sin. Aithníonn an UN an ainm áfach, an t-aon fhaidb ná go nach éisteann aoinne leo siúd(brón orm Ban, ach, tá sé fíor).

3) Tá áiteanna i bhfad níos “tábhachtaí” agus “dáinséarach” acu le hionsaí; Iran, Pakistan, Tehran, Venezuela, Tuaisceart Korea, Daingean Uí Chúis etc. Is áiteanna uafásach iad ar fad(seachas Venezuela mar is ‘cool bastard’ Hugo Chavez , glaoigh sé ‘asail’ ar George W. agus is leor sin domsa). Ar aon nós, áiteanna iad(i súile na SA)ina mbeidh ionsaí i bhfad níos oiriúnach, go háirithe ón dearcadh “caithfimid muid féin a chosaint ar dtús”  a bhfuil, go nádúrtha, ag fórmhór muintir na SA.

4)  Ceann mór é seo, tá an daonra Meiriceánach féin tuairseach tinn den troid. Tá ionomarca boscaí adhmaid ag teacht abhaile ó Iraq gan mothú ar aon tslí eile. Fiú sna stáit i deisceart na tíre, áiteanna ina bhfuil tart foil cáiliúl, tá daoine ag iarraidh na saighdiúraí a thabhairt abhaile. Is féidir leo tacaíocht a thabhairt don cogadh in Iraq mar chreideann siad gur féin chosaint atá ann, ní fhéadthach siad an leiscéil céanna a úsáid i Myanmar. Ní mothaíonn siad aon dúlgas cabhrú agus ní chóir dóibh, is chun na rudaí seo a stopadh gur crothaíodh an UN ní na SA.

5)Táim ag rith as spáis agus mar sin beidh an ceann seo gearr. Is bliann todhacháin é. Ní beidh  Burma/Myanmar sna páipéirí i gceann dhá mhí agus dá bhrí sin ní fiú an baol politiciúl é fiú trácht ar an áit go dtí a bhfuil Uachtaráin nua i gceannas. Faoin am sin, dar ndóigh, beidh sé ró dénach.

See, I can do serious current affairs at the hard nose of an international incident

I wanna go to Japan, it’ll be awesome like Chuck Norris fighting commies on the moon and as ridiculous as a Steven Segal in a sensitive French melodrama!!! I can get a job in an Irish pub with a one word CV: GINGER!
Seriously though, it’d be mental(not unlike watching a chipmunk on E((trust me, those things can move!))). I’m nearly out of similes and metaphores just describing the place, and I haven’t even started describing the place-why? Because I know nothing about it!
The sum total of my Japanese related knowledge is thus; 1) Nintendo/Playstation/Donkey Kong and nerds all originate in Japan 2)You can now buy a ’shag-bot’ for a very reasonable price or rent one for less than 100e[why anyone would want one elludes me though] 3) Japanese girls, I don’t know any=they don’t know me=clean slate=result! 4)Beach culture, apparently 5) Peace and serenity are quite popular which would make a nice change from the wanton debauchery and purple haze I’m used to 6) eh….sushi? 7) Japan is a small peninsula in Asia that once conquered China-big up the wee fella!!! 8 ) Apparently theres an interest in the Irish language over there[which frankly makes the place seem even more ridiculous] 9) the fact that its seemingly an all round bonkers type of country is worthy of a point 10) I’ll stand out there so much more than I did last time I went to Galway[apperently my ginger forefathers really got around on the Wesern seaboard].
There, 10 solid things I know are definately undeniably true about Japan(kinda) before even mentioning my proposed pilgrimage to Saipan(although that may be in South Korea and a bit of a dissapointment).
Heres a few things I don’t know: 1) Where in the name of bejaysus I’m supposed to apply for a fucking J1 2) Why don’t USIT give me any useful fucking information 3) Why are USIT a pack of useless wankers whos websites sole purpose is to clog up googles search engine and really really piss me off! 4) Who pays USITs wages? If I find out that thats where my emergency tax went there’ll be ‘morda’! 5) How did I get home on Friday?

I hope nobody finds this useful………..wha? sssssssssssssssssssap!

I’m really bored and in the type of mood where you can’t actually bring yourself to do anything. So, as I was already sitting down I turned to the internet. No e-mails, no bebo, no love so, straped for inspiration I thought that if I typed ‘fun’ into the thingy that you type adresses into I’d find something wholesome and fun-ITS A PORN SITE!
Is it naive to be suprised? If it is I’m sorry but the fact remains; nowheres safe anymore

’bout fucking time too, I was about to turn

I know this is terribly narcissistic but( dare I say it again) its my blog so fuck you!
This ones courtesy of the bbc;
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/personality

To be honest I think its a bit contradictory ie; ‘accurate in spirit’. I’m a little suprised by the ‘accusation’ that I’m cautious by the way-but then again it makes a degree of sense

Results
My Results
Extraversion
Some people like lots of stimulation; they want people around them, activity and excitement, whilst others prefer to be able to focus on things in a calm and quiet environment. Most people prefer a blend of the two extremes although your answers suggest you have a preference for the livelier situations. This may help you if you work in busy, hectic and very sociable settings but you may get bored and even frustrated when things are too quiet.

Confidence
Some people make decisions very easily and tend not to worry about them before or afterwards while, at the other extreme, some people are so careful and cautious that the decisions never get made! Taking a cautious approach can be a good thing (do you want to fly with a pilot that is so free from worry and concern that she never checks her controls and instruments and doesn’t bother to communicate with air-traffic control?) and you seem to have described yourself as someone who does tend to be quite cautious and careful. This can be very important in detailed work or areas were mistakes can have a major cost although you may find yourself avoiding risks and many cautious people wish they were bolder.

Openness
While some people like experimenting with new things and ideas, others prefer traditional methods and taking a very practical approach to problems.

Your answers suggest that you may more interested in the creative, new and experimental aspects of situations than dealing with the routine practicalities. While your dreams and plans may not always be achievable, you are likely to be very open to new ideas and ways of doing things.

Agreeableness
Most people want to be able to get on with others but to some it is the most important thing in the world, whilst others are quite happy to upset someone else if it means that things get done.

Your answers suggest that you can be firm with people when you need to be but that getting on with others is still important to you. Like most people you would rather avoid conflict but are not prepared to put up with being treated badly by others.

Conscientiousness
Some people like everything to be well planned, tidy and organised, whilst others prefer to deal with things as they come up and appear to work in absolute chaos.

Your answers suggest that you don’t like having things too structured or being tied down and you can cope quite well without having to have everything organised. This may make it hard to find things at times or for colleagues to know where you are or what you are doing, but you probably find coping with the unexpected (the things your colleagues didn’t plan for!) easier than many.

This questionnaire can’t tell you exactly what you are like; it doesn’t go into enough detail and only helps you ask questions about the way you behave and make decisions in your occupation. Don’t rely on it to tell you what your personality is like but use it to think about the different ways that people go about doing things. Read each description, ask yourself if it sounds like you (and it may not!)

I decided to stop drinking yesterday(naive, I know) needless to say project ’stay sober’ was a complete and utter failure. I didn’t even intend to go out, there was nothing on and no excuses. This is what happened.
7pm, Ruas still hungover from the night before and contemplating a nice quiet night in BUT papa Rua has other plans. He asks Rua to mow the lawn(a big loud job, no good for sore head) so the quick thinking Rua says; ‘nah-sorry-have-to-go-out-too-late-bye’(hyphenated to emphasize the fact that it was all more or less one word). And we were off!
Down to the 46A and into town frantically texting everyone I knew, praying that there’d be someone on the other end when I got there. As it happens, there were lots of people in town and to put a long story short I managed to spend 60e without paying more than 3e for a drink or buying anything for anyone else-do the maths.
Oddly, it was a perfectly normal uneventful night where nothing interesting, dangerous or bizzare happened…….until I got home. 3.30am sitting at the kitchen table in all his boxers and vest clad glory was papa Rua. He was there, by himself, reading the paper and saying nothing. It was so surreal I thought I was tripping(again). I came in grabbed some cheese, wrapped it in bread and went to sleep.
I was talking to my brother about it this afternoon. He was just as scared and confused as I was when he got home from work a half hour later and the old nut job was still there. Its just a bit odd to be honest

I nearly went to Copper Face Jacks with some ‘wan’ I met in Club Conradh. Really-coppers! You could pull a rope in there, easiest place to end a dryspell but not neccesarily the wisest choice. I was quite lucky in the sense that the only person there who was as drunk as I was was actually quite good-looking(though, there is a chance that 5pm Rua and 1am Rua may disagree on that). Either way I didn’t go because somebody slapped a big lump of cop-on accross my face and reminded me that I had no money and was barely able to stand. So off home I went with a massive horn and a big angry face.
On the upside, the nice taximan and I had a great conversation about gaeilscoils and how your sport comes from your school. I mean, the sport you play as a kid has a huge influence on your perspective in life. People who play as forwards in rugby tend not to complain, whereas soccer players seem to bitch and moan constantly. GAA lads never back down or give up, virtues I think the GAA should be very proud of instilling, however the ‘your a big lad-do you want a fight?’ gig is getting a bit old. Of course these are all very general sweeping statements and I’m going very much off the point but nonetheless “insert self-justification here” and its my blog so fuck you.
Speaking of ‘fuck you’ I offended a haeinous amount of people last night. Granted I was really far too drunk(and I’m not the most patient or tolerant person in the world((and I have on occasion been guilty of being a bit ‘too vocal’ about my beliefs)) but I just happened to be constantly bumping into people I didn’t like. Maybe it was because they were all friends and therefore shared a similar manner but what a bunch of shmeg-heads. Actually no, them being assholes doesn’t justify me being a dick but on the other hand(as a great man once said) dicks fuck assholes! And if we didn’t the assholes would just shit everywhere so technically I was performing a valuable service for the preservation of decent human society, albeit, by alienating a large section of an already tiny Irish speaking community. Fuck it I’m deadly-I do what I want, ma hot boday!
Incidentally, all this happened after my own friends(bar one) had gone home-because we had been drinking since about 5. The reason I stayed on to get retarded was because the parental units actually stay up quite late so I had to stay out until they went to sleep. Thats my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
I’d like to write up the whole night sometime in Irish because I was SUCH A CUNT. Its was nearly script worthy, I’ve been cackling away to myself all morning.